After I finished performing the script, I stepped back from the microphone, disgusted with myself. My performance was weak, vague and just plain sucky. It’s a day where I wonder how I’ve made a living for this long doing something I’m just not that good at. Then the director switches on their “talk-back” button. The engineer and producers are laughing in the background and the director tells me I was perfect. They love me… What the hell just happened?
Well, in some cases, it can be the result of a chemical imbalance brought on by the inheritance of the “great sex/bad relationship” gene. Chalk it up to your parents following through with their unhealthy attraction (crazy does love crazy), allowing their respective recessive genes to commingle, then whacking your life upside it’s head. Repeatedly. Forever… Or until the Prozac kicks in.
But in most cases, it’s the result of too much coffee and just enough time in the business to fall into the “second-guessing” syndrome. This syndrome is brought on by Rumsfeld’s “unknown unknowns” and prolonged exposure to the fickle tastes and desires of the unseen “suits” behind the voice over job.
For instance, I auditioned for a regional Mercedes Benz campaign a few years ago that was a semi-spoof of the television show Twin Peaks. I used a voice that was similar to “the giant” who appeared in Kyle MacLachlan‘s dreams. I booked it and we recorded four radio spots. Here, have a listen:
Well, a few weeks after the spots started running, they held another round of auditions for the campaign. My agent called them to ask “WTF?” Apparently someone up the corporate chain found my character too “gay” sounding. (I guess homosexuals shun Mercedes in favor of the Prius or something.) My agent suggested they have me rerecord but direct me to use less boa and sequins in my performance. No dice. The “suits” didn’t believe that a voice actor could change their, um, voice. I was replaced with a Carls Jr. knock-off sound.
I bring this all up because I had a “bi-polar voice over day” on Monday and thought I’d share my disease with you. Excuse me, syndrome. It started out great with me recording a new video game for [REDACTED] called [REDACTED]. (Ahhh, NDAs.) It should be a very fun game. I was excited to work with Taliesin Jaffe (the director) since I had heard a lot about him. The session was a breeze and he was a joy to work with. He’s knowledgeable, efficient, has a cool blue ‘do and is nice as all get out. This would be the high part of my bi-polar cycle.
Jon Klein, D.C. Douglas and Taliesin Jaffey at Station 22 in Los Angeles. (It was hat day)
The low swing came with finding out that I had been replaced in Dragon Age: Origins – Justice. I’m used to being edited out of TV shows and films for time or plot purposes (see Cutting Room Floor) but it’s rare in the voice over world. And I felt doubly like a dufus for having promoted its release during the last week. (It could’ve been worse if not for that sinister NDA that prevented me from talking about it earlier!)
By 3:00 pm I was coming out of my depression because the director of Dragon Age, Ginny McSwain (who rocks the Casbah, by the way) replied to my email and clarified what happened. Apparently I was one of the first to record an embodied spirit for the PRC and the “suits” later determined that they wanted authentic Brits to voice them. I was starting to feel better. But then…
GEICO called my agent to book me for a new campaign! Not as large as the last two I did for them, but still a national TV campaign – and a hysterical one! (God bless you, GEICO…) Now I was back to manic.
And then I noticed something strange. Wherever I went, women seemed to be attracted to my bi-polar career high. Then it hit me; it seems a voice over day like the one I was having mimics the “good sex/bad relationship” gene… As a result, I became a beacon for all the other “crazies” out there…
So, I guess, if I’m to be honest with myself, this blog post is not as much about voice over as it is about “How I Learned To Stop Dating Crazy Women and Start Having A Crazy Career”… Or something like that. What do you want from me? I have a syndrome!
Hah! Well, it's good to hear you found out what happened with Justice. Still would've been cool to hear your rendition of him, but nonetheless. I'm sure it would be rather calming to your CRAZED VOICE ACTOR MIND. Crazy women are throwing themselves at you? The world of fangirls…
I have to say, fangirls seem to be pretty sane, intelligent and creative types. At least, that was my experience at the Ohio A&G con… But, I'm new to that scene, so who know…
Hey I'm a fangirl! lol
D.C is spot on with our description. Love ya for that.
So . . . in my older, confussed way I am not sure of what I just read,
Does that mean that you got another GEICO gig?
See, I do read this ship you send out!
Love You (I'll bet not too many people put that in a internet blog reply)
dad
Yes, indeedie. 3 spots and some radio, to boot. Records in a few weeks.
Thanks for coming here and reading my "ship"!
Best blog post of the year. You've painted the picture perfectly!
Ironically, I'm sitting here watching Survivorman talk about "didn't catch any fish today blues" while playing his harmonica.
Tomorrow, I'm getting a harmonica.
I wrote the post with Billie Holiday slurring in the background…
Thanks, Dave! High praise and much appreciated!
I wrote the post with Billie Holiday slurring in the background…
Thanks for the high praise, Dave!
I was really hoping to hear your rendition of Justice (and the "gay" Mercedes ads. XD). He and Legion have a lot in common, character wise, so having the same VA would have been pretty cool. Those "suits" should be more open-minded.
Thanks, Emily! Though the gay Mercedes ads are in the green player in the post! Enjoy…
A few eons ago one had to go through channels in order to request a reel-to-reel tape dub of recently recorded spots. Eager to add a timely new legit bit of an undoubtedly award winning Yellow Pages radio spot to my commercials demo, I gladly went through the necessary back-and-forth. It seemed to take forever, but the the spool of creamy quarter-inch goodness finally arrived. (Yeah, I know, you're way ahead of me. . ) Threaded and ready to experience certain aural ecstasy, my ears were indeed treated to a dazzling performance of the deja-familiar and terribly clever commercial copy. Alas, the voice on the tape was someone else's, mind you, but it was a wonderful performance, indeed. Upset? Disappointed? Ha! The last laugh was mine, as the Yellow Pages went out of business very soon thereafter. Right? Didn't they? No? Oh. Yeah, it happens. Frankly, it's a wonder how anyone makes it through the gauntlet and onto the airwaves these days.
And also, having become accustomed to audition indifference over the years, it's mucho easy for us to second-guess our instincts. . especially when we now have the convenience of obsessing over nuance from the comfort of home. A neurotic's nirvana!
But your bloggy story's happy ending inspires us all. You light up our lives, little Debbie. You give us hope . . to carry on. But all seriousness aside. . congrats. And thanks for another thoughtful musing.
Sometimes I think your responses are better than my posts!
My first demo was a reel to reel… It was reel-ly bad, too.
You've stopped dating crazy women because you found one to live with.
You have no idea…
Wanna bet?
I guess that explains why they made it so difficult to find Justice — didn’t want you catching on!
Man, what a shame, I was looking forward to that. Ah well, at least you’re doing well on other fronts! You really ought to go back and put in the names/titles/companies in the [redacted] when the stuff comes out though… xD
you know i’ll always support you in everything you do D.C.
=)
<3